We are all playing catch-up. They are waiting for me, and I am waiting for them. And they know that I am waiting for them.

Impasse.

Of course, it was different earlier.

A long time ago, I was one of them. I went looking for people like me. People who had left.

You could never leave. Not back then. Not now. When you start, you can tell yourself, if it comes to that, I will still hold on, because it means so much that I am here. You may say, I took an oath that I would never do that. You may even believe that this is the best there is.

But when you know better, then it hits you. They have been lying to you.

And one may think, that's all I need to do. Tell them, the ones waiting for me, that they have been lied to. That's all; and then they'll let me go.

But I was there once. I was so sure that any statement like this was made just to get me to wilt. To wait. To let the other one get away. I would not listen.

And they would not listen either.

That is why I wait. I'm very good at it.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.normsoft.com/hblogger/]

Moving out

It seems to have become a desperate race against time for me now. The signs are definitely there.

I was out shopping yesterday, buying ready-to-eats so that I didn't need gas or electricity to cook. And when I came back, the hair had fallen down.

Yes, when I go out, I attach a hair of mine to the door with a little bit of spit. If anyone opens the door, the hair falls down. I read it in a book about a spy.

Well, when I went in, nothing had moved. Everything was exactly the way it was before I left. But still, I could tell.

They had been watching me.

Anyhow, my plans were in place. I was moving out. I would leave everything behind when I left - maybe it would confuse them. (As if they wouldn't know!). But still, it is easier to travel without luggage.

I picked up my package of groceries (food is still important), and I closed the door behind me.

Goodbye, new home!

I think they know who I am

I have been waiting for this day. I woke up in the morning and knew something was wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was something different.

The very air tasted sharper, like the way your teeth feel after sucking on a lemon for a couple of days. Does it matter that I have never sucked on a lemon for more than a few minutes? Of course not.

I woke up this morning and I knew that they knew who I am. I can't believe that nobody believed me when I told them that they would find out.

How could anyone think that they were stupid? They had found out about everyone else...

Stop rambling...

Think...


They haven't got here yet. That much I was sure about. Everything came up okay. Nobody had picked any locks. The guards downstairs reported AOK. No mysterious cars had driven past at 3am.

So...

I had a little breathing space. Just a little. A few days maybe. Certainly more than a few hours. May not even be a week though.

I needed another new identity.

Who was I going to become?

I'll get back to you as soon as I decide my next move.